Pirouettes

I wasn't meant to be born. Really, I wasn't.

My parents were groupies. They followed bands around the state. My dad had commitment issues, and my mom couldn't obtain / hold down a job.
When my mom found out she was pregnant, she told my dad that he had to propose to her. He said that he couldn't. She left him.
When he came back a month later, they ran to Ohio and got married in under 15 minutes while wearing jeans and hooded sweatshirts.
My dad never wanted to have kids, it's why I'm an only child. My mom thinks that I'm too much to handle, even though she said that I never cried as a baby, threw tantrums as a child, or caused any sort of stress (be it emotional or physical) to either of my parents throughout my life. I've never snuck out. (except for once when I was ten or so, I crawled out my window and bought a snack cake at the convenience store next door) I never brought boys around the house. I never caused anything to get myself grounded.

I feel like I don't have any options in life. I want to go to college, but I don't want to do the work or cause my parents to pay money. I can never get my head around a job pathway, even though I'm 16. I don't have the slightest idea of any careers I'd be even remotely interested.
Everybody says that I'm supposed to go out any make a difference in the world, but how can I when I'm not smart / interested / determined enough?
"You could be a doctor!"
"Ew. Sick people."
"You could be a computer designer!"
"Ew. Long hours sitting at a table, working with boring little micro chip things."
"You could be a teacher!"
"Ew. Kids."
"You could be a designer!"
"I can't even draw a circle."

Beth (Little Women) once said something along the lines of, "I was never meant to grow old. While you girls had wonderful dreams and the determination to reach them, I never wanted to leave the home."
I can only picture the present, not the future.
By the time I'm 20, I'm either going to be living on the street, or dead. Yep. That's as far as I know.
I'm socially awkward, people don't like me, and I screw up every important thing that comes along for me. I feel like I'm still 10 years old.
I wish I wasn't a loner. I don't have the ability to talk to anyone anymore. It's just me and my ferrets.
I'm going to be the crazy cat lady on the block.

I wasn't meant to be born. Really, I wasn't.